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Posts Tagged ‘torch/troy’

vs.

Better Name

Fame- The one syllable movie title.  It is to the point and it doesn’t mess around.  It leans over its competitor and says loudly and proudly, “I don’t  need no stinking colon.”

Capitalism: A love story – Warren Buffet and Jim Kramer take a romantic trip to San Francisco.

Tame?  Subliminal messaging?

Tame? Subliminal messaging?

Edge: Fame

More obnoxious Quote

Fame- “Everything you’d like to change about yourself, all the parts of yourself that you keep secret, it’s your power…”  — when you’re a superhero, it’s a good thing.  When it involves gerbils, tranny hookers, or level five thetins, not so much.

Capitalism: A love story – “From Michael Moore, the most dangerous film maker of our time”– Yah.. If he sat on you.

fmoore-michael

Edge: Capitalism: A love story

Leading Man

Fame – More like leading men.  This movie has more good looking young studs than the Kentucky Derby.  YUM.

Capitalism: A love story – Michael Moore thinks people avoid him because they are trying to dodge the issues.  It is probably more because he looks like a homeless person and smells like a month old Fillet O’ Fish.

Young? No  Stud?  Yes

Young? No... Stud? Yes

Edge: Fame

Leading Woman

Fame – Many women, none of which are Hilary Duff-  Good enough for me.

Capitalism: A love story – Michael Moore has moobs.  Does that count?

much better....

much better....

Edge: Fame

Preview

Fame- Dancing, singing, and acting?  Is this a school that people attend to become waiters?

Capitalism: A love storyJust once, I would love to see security start beating on Michael Moore.

maybe if we all concentrate really hard we can influence the next target of police brutality

Maybe if we all concentrate really hard we can influence the next target of police brutality.


Edge: Capitalism: A love story

Winner: Fame

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Surrogates vs. Pandorum

vs.

Better Name

Surrogates-Horrible images of Juno and Baby Mamma flashed through my mind when I first heard this movie title.

Pandorum – echoes of “Pandora”, the chick that just couldn’t keep her grubby fingers off the box that released all evil.

Edge: Pandorum

Premise

Surrogates- People plug in to a machine and control robots out in the real world.  This allows them to live isolated lives hooked into machines all day (livin’ the dream).  They can feel pleasure through the surrogates (how else would they infuse sex into the story line) but somehow can not experience pain.  This lovely world ends when someone figures out how to kill people through their surrogates.  Oh my!

Pandorum – What?!  Some unfortunate astronauts on a ship in deep space find themselves haunted by something mysterious?!  Alien–>Event Horizon–>Supernova–>Solaris… that’s what we call “trending down”.

Interesting, as long as it steers clear of the plot lines from Avatar, The Island, Terminator 1-3, Gamer, I-Robot, Bicentennial Man, The Matrix 1-3, Stepford Wives, and The Parent Trap

Interesting, as long as it steers clear of the plot lines from Avatar, The Island, Terminator 1-3, Gamer, I-Robot, Bicentennial Man, The Matrix 1-3, Stepford Wives, and The Parent Trap

Edge: Surrogates

Leading Man

Surrogates – This movie is awesome because not only do we get bald, angry looking Bruce Willis, but we also get his robot played by long-haired- nice-guy Bruce Willis.  This is great for Bruce, cause he has been in a slump lately and now has 2 chances to break out of it!

Pandorum – Ben Foster plays creepy (3:10 to Yuma) and creepier (Hostage) because he looks creepy.  Age hasn’t made him less creepy.  I’d go with him as the bad guy, even if that doesn’t make sense within the context of this movie.  Dennis Quaid is somehow a wannabe Kevin Costner, yet manages to produce even more mediocre movies than his idol.

Bruce Willis is so awesome that if he could be a robot of anyone, he would be himself but with hair

Bruce Willis is so awesome that if he could be a robot of anyone, he would be himself but with bad hair

Edge: Surrogates


Leading Woman

Surrogates – Um..  if you could be a robot of anything, why would you ever want to be a woman?  With that said, Rhada Mitchell plays Willis’ partner and helps him by probably asking questions that need to be answered in order to develop the plot.

Pandorum – the only thing I know about Antje Traue is that there is no way to pronounce the “ntj” sound in the English language.

she kinda looks like she could be a Olsen triplet.  If that triplet happened to actually eat food and not chain smoke.

Rhada looks like she could be an Olsen triplet. If that triplet happened to actually eat food and not chain smoke.

Edge: Surrogates

Preview

Surrogates – Too many sci-fi movies start off with the preview being a commercial for some futuristic product. They are somewhat forced to do this in order to explain the premise of the movie, but this one drags on for too long, and doesn’t make much sense.  We also get the obligatory human face ripped off to reveal robotic inner workings.  Snore.

Pandorum – Really, with these horror movie previews, you can usually stir intrigue by showing a bunch of scared/disheveled people…and this preview is no exception.  We’ll even forgive the laughable baby-alien-thing that pops up at the end:

Pandorum2

Not the strongest part of the preview...

Edge: Pandorum

Winner: Surrogates

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