Every Friday we’ll give you the last quick shots on the weekend’s movies…
9
Synopsis: Post-apocalyptic puppets.
Troy: Imagine if these creatures started dueling one another – it would replace Battlebots as the new “human creation fighting matches”, and knitters would become the new engineers.
Torch: 9-9-09 passed and the worst thing that happened was Paula Abdul got kicked off idol. All is well.
Sorority Row
Synopsis: I Know What You Did Last Summer: the College Years.
Troy: A sorority accidentally stumbles upon a slave galley, and soon the girls find themselves chained to oars and forced to power the old-school vessel across the Atlantic. Only their enduring belief that it will tone their buns, abs, and thighs keeps them going.
Torch: Like actual colleges, college movies can be judged based on the number of Asians in them. This movie only has 1 and therefor sucks.
Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself
Synopsis: Woman finds redemption or something.
Troy: So like, is the implication that it usually takes more than one person to do something evil?
Torch: Bad if you pay to see this movie by yourself. Worse if you and others pay to see it.
Whiteout
Synopsis: Murders in Antarctica.
Troy: Is it just a coincidence that this movie called “Whiteout”, and a movie called “White on Rice”, come out the same day as the new Tyler Perry movie? Or is Hollywood balancing itself out?
Torch: Who’s laws do they follow in Antarctica? Is it even illegal to kill someone there?
Beyond A Reasonable Doubt
Synopsis: Pesky journalist just won’t leave corrupt DA alone.
Troy: Corruption, for lack of a better word, is good.
Torch: This must be a story set in the past cause last time I checked there were no journalists left.
